Although I have no use for astrology in my daily life, there are times — like these — that force me to consider the actions of larger processes. I have to fool myself into thinking that some of the larger cogs in the machine really can affect me directly, otherwise I think I’d lose even more hope. I mean, without the justification that some of the most absurd things that happen to us actually have a purpose behind them, only the floppy, useless absurdity would be left, not the resilient, strong “thing that makes it all worth it.”

And so I am left without the two main channels for me to get my art out of my head. When I gave up my camera for two weeks to be repaired at the end of March, it was hard, but I had to put up a show and there were plenty other things that I had to do with old photos rather than shoot new ones. A few weeks after getting it back, though, the camera showed the same problem, only worse than ever before. So I bring it back to the repair people on May 25th, with a pickup date of May 28th. What I didn’t know was that there was a recording session that weekend that I was to shoot. I hadn’t been told it was happening, but I was able to borrow a friend’s pocket digital camera for the time being, and I would take shots for the album cover during the week when I had my camera back. You guessed it… I still don’t have the camera. I’ve showed up or called them 6 or 7 times and they seem truly apologetic, but my baby is still with them.

Luckily, I’ve had a lot to do with sewing lately, & many ideas that I’ve wanted to implement. I almost completed a new style for myself that I am very excited about. I completed the entire bag except for the strap assembly & logos. I cut the straps, printed out the logos & went back to the studio late night to finish it up. Penelope, my poor, overused sewing machine finally picked this time to have issues. I have known since I started that I am using this sewing machine for projects that I should be using an industrial machine for. But I’ve treated her nicely, stroked her & talked to her & she has been very good to me. So I don’t blame her, it’s definitely my fault… but now? Is now really the best time to teach me a lesson? Apparently the answer is a loud “yes.” She isn’t dead yet, just in need of repairs, but even so, she be out of the studio for a week or more, and I have to confront the fact that I’ll need to drop hundreds of dollars on a heavy-duty machine at some point.

When I’m not depressed about all of this, I’m laughing because I definitely feel like I’m being tested. And that’s where blaming it on the stars comes in. Maybe I should take up painting landscapes. Astrologyzone.com says my suffering is just about over… just June, July & August to get through & life will be good again. Get me a paintbrush & some Bob Ross DVDs.